I have been feeling like an island at work, not really sharing on spending time with my co-workers. Specifically Thurs. at work used to be Hoop thursday. It's a chance to play hoops and bond with the guys here at work.

Until pride got in the way.

** Disclaimer ** It's okay. I'm not gossiping per se as I've prayed to God about it as well as to spoken to my Christian friends about it. Still I can't help thinking how my feelings and pride got in the way of reconciliation and forgiveness. Or rather is seems much easier to come to terms with "bridge building" when both parties are on the "same page".

Being on the "same page" for me means if I have a ranking system, it would be some core values. What are these core values? They would be tolerant, open-minded, kind-hearted, servant-hearted, humble. The list would go on but a simple way of summarizing that would be godly or christlike.

Well without going into much detail the incident that happened at work was that my co-workers learned that I'm a Christian. (I've told them on the court not to say the F words so blantantly as God is watching us...stooopid me.) Another incident involved someone telling me "you don't have to be nice, I don't like nice people."

Okay. I let it go excusing it as the person is having a bad day or something is bothering him which allowed for that comment. But my pride and feelings were hurt. And I began to implode into protecting my feelings, my thoughts, and isolating myself. Anger, bitterness, guilt and then self-pity.

These bottled up feelings has me thinking about my faith and my having to admit that my "growing in Christ" is difficult. I'm struggling basically.

Jesus said:
If someone strikes you on one cheek, turn to him the other also. If someone takes your cloak, do not stop him from taking your tunic. (Luke 6:29)

But I tell you, Do not resist an evil person. If someone strikes you on the right cheek, turn to him the other also. (Matt 5:39)

And the greatest commandment of all "Love thy neighbor."

Love for Enemies

If you love those who love you, what credit is that to you? Even 'sinners' love those who love them. And if you do good to those who are good to you, what credit is that to you? Even 'sinners' do that. (Luke 6:32-33)

How do you love someone who's value is so different than yours? Why is it so hard for me to forgive and forget? Why is it so difficult for me to swallow my pride and admit that we are all sinners and it is by God's grace that we are saved. I understand the concept and the doctrine of grace. My struggles is in carrying that out on a day to day basis.

It is with this struggle that I'm reminded of the phrase "God with us, not God in us." I need the help and grace of Jesus. I'm not a God and I'm not all that and the sooner I realize that the better my attitude will be. Now the problem is to take that into practice...

Back to my comfortable "drawing board".